5 tips from this dynamic duo.

Don’t laugh y’all. It’s really true. My husband and I are like a dynamic duo. Our marriage has been through many stages and changes and, boy oh boy, it’s been a ride. So , without further ado, here’s a little ditty about us.

He likes the shade while I like the sun. I like my coffee almost black while he likes a little coffee with his gallons of cream and sugar. He likes to travel by car and I like to fly by air. He likes to sleep in while I like to wake with the birds. He likes to spend money and spending money actually makes me extremely anxious. He doesn’t mind to let the grass grow and I think it has to be mowed the same day every week. He like his dressing with a handful of lettuce and I like a bare salad with dressing on the side.

We are two different people. We have two different minds. We have two different outlooks on situations. We have different likes.

He pushes me to build on dreams. I’ve pushed him to be more than he could have been. Several times I wanted to poke out his eyeballs. Many of times he’s wanted to shove a sock in my mouth. Somehow, we are still walking side-by-side, with all body parts in tack.

One thing is for certain- when my heart breaks, his breaks too. When a joyous moment fills my soul, it fills his soul. When I stress, he gets all frazzled right along in the mess. He leans on me and I lean on him. We don’t always level each other out. And that’s ok. Most of the time. 😉

He knows my smiles. He can distinguish between my laughs. He understands my facial expressions. He knows what my silence means. And he’s felt the wrath of each side of my personality. But yet, he still completely accepts me as his wife- every single day as the sun rises and still when the sun set- I’m his wife and he loves that.

For that, I’m internally, immensely grateful. I could never begin to explain, only stand beside him through every path and every walk of life.

He’ll always protect my heart. He’ll always carry his family. He’ll walk to the ends of the earth to make sure his family has their needs met. Despite the challenges we’ve faced, no matter the hurt that came between us, we came out still together.

With that being said…

Here are 5 things we’ve come to realize that are extremely important to keep our marriage healthy.

  1. He hears “I love you” as he should but he should also feel it. And vice versa. My husband works a crazy schedule. Out a week, home a week. More or less. Whether he’s home or away, our routine at home continues. School, routines, errands, plans… it all goes on. So, making him his favorite meal, sitting my phone down to give him my undivided attention, letting him sleep in, or put off a chore to sit beside him on the couch. It really is about the small things.
  2. Make time for dates. Day dates, evening dates, overnight dates. Time together alone, away from the children is VERY important. It can be easy to get so caught up in life that I forget to remember why in the world he is my best friend. Dates don’t have to cost a ton or be all candlelight’s and perfection, it can be as simple as going for ice cream.
  3. Communicate, concentrate, reciprocate. So, in the past year our life has went absolutely haywire. Remodeling, taking on a surprise child, family issues, change in schedules, finishing up a degree… so much change. There were several times I thought I was going to loose my mind. And I’m pretty sure I may have a little. Even though I had things on my mind, he also had things on his. He’s not the only one who needed work on his listening skills. He deserves my full attention just as I do his. Stop what you’re doing, make eye contact, focus, and pay attention. Hard lesson here, but it’s important!
  4. Make to-do lists together and set expectations. So there are things that my husband wants me to do and I put off, and put off, and put off. It’s important to him or he wouldn’t ask me to do it. I forget his needs are just as important as mine. Just like me, he forgets too. He forgets where his dirty clothes go, what needs to be done and that he DOES know how to load a dishwasher or start a load of laundry. Learning to respect one another’s wants and expectations are important. By following through with to-do lists, you are able to avoid bickering and nagging.
  5. I’m not always right. He’s not always right. Give and take. My way isn’t the only way and neither is his. (His toughest lesson to learn. It’s a work in progress.) Work together to figure out what’s best. If it’s a big decision, make time to sit down with undivided attention to discuss it. Marriage is about team work.

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“A strong marriage requires two people who choose to love each other even on those days when they struggle to like each other.”  ~davewillis.org

 

Breaking Point

What makes people break? Even if it is for a short time; could it be life that makes them change? Depression? Experiences maybe? Priorities? Finding happiness? Losing hope? Stress?

Whatever the reason, the bottom line is some people do veer from their rational path from time to time. They mature, grow up and try to worry about themselves and their family. Then, regrettably, downfalls and shortcomings happen. Hey, it’s life. Stress and feelings of inadequacy become too much. You are left feeling helpless, hopeless and lost. A great and monstrous sadness sets in exhausting your conscience. Your chest begins to tighten and sleep is hard to come by. Your head begins to pound and perception on life becomes cloudy. All thanks to the many thoughts about how you are being understood, or from something you done in the day. Possibly it’s that you are wanting to be positive in every aspect of your life and miserable days win over your joyous spirit leaving you feeling rotten and despicable. Even if for a time. A week or a year- it’s still a time.

You shouldn’t have to worry other people, right? If you’re like me that answer would be-wrong. Their opinions and judgements effect your day, hell, even your week. Their judgments leave you feeling as if you are a terrible, mindless, careless person. And why? Well for the simple fact that they matter to you. Their opinions matter.

I can turn one simple thought or assumption into 15 facts that may or may not be true. In my mind, it’s the truth. Then I begin to build on them turning them in to a castle filled with problems. Mostly scenarios made up in my head but my brain tells me each one is true and real.

Over thinker much- who? Me?

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Where or what does that lead to? Definitely isn’t helping keep peace within is it? More than likely down and out feelings grow into something much larger. Next thing you know, you are drowning in your own sorrow. And then, you figure it out. There’s always an answer to every problem. Instead of complicating things, simplify and breathe.

We as humans, adults and companions, have the ability to empower one another. To lift up, encourage, and boost another person’s spirit. This is huge. We hold tremendous amounts of power all within our being that lie mostly within our actions and more importantly- our words.

When we become compassionate adults, we are in turn teaching our children how to treat others. Because, whether you believe it or not, they are watching and soaking up every word, every gesture that we make towards another human being. Even on your toughest days in your weakest moments, their eyes are on you. Oh Lord, is this ever so tough to remember.

Investing our time, smiles and compliments into one another is a tremendous act of kindness. Because no matter how much money you have, what social status you may hold, or what position you are in- you do have the power to change someone’s day. By the compliments that you give, the kind-hearted smile that you share, or the wink that you send someone’s way- you are validating their purpose and that they do mean something. With good intention in your heart, patience in your voice and gentleness in your touch, altruism and selflessness are reciprocated.

Do yourself a favor-

Surround yourself with the types of people that make your light shine brighter. You know, those people who can make you laugh in their slightest effort. The kind of people who offer a hand when you’re in need and they truly mean it. People who never take advantage of you, even when you are most vulnerable and at your weakest point. People who genuinely care and understand a bad day and can turn that around for you or join you in the sulking (either way, but I prefer the first). Those are the type of people to keep around. You will gain a considerable amount of knowledge and enlightenment by observing their giving love. I reckon I’m one lucky gal because those are qualities I see in my friends- my true friends.

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God has been testing me the past week. I’m talking the kind of test that no matter how hard you study or prepared for, you cannot find the answers. It took me two days to see a pale light in my very darkest second. But I feel something. I don’t know what is happening but I know that God is working on me; there is something to come of this. He’s teaching me something and if only I would be still enough to see. I will be stronger, smarter, kinder, and more sincere. No matter what comes my way, if I have the right attitude, I can and I will succeed.

Life has been known to bring us hard times, tough choices, and exciting news that later leads to disappointment. I’ve came to realize that, some lessons are learned best through pain. Occasionally, we have to break in order to be put together whole. In order for our vision to be clear once again, our eyes need to be washed with tears. Tears communicate for our mouth when it doesn’t have the words to speak. Stay strong and fight through the madness; do your best each and every day. And remember, the struggles you go through in life only make you stronger. The changes that you choose to make or changes that happen without choice, they only make you wiser. Eventually, happiness will find its way into your life. Stay positive! Embrace the lesson being taught and learn from it. And please, forgive me on my journey, it’s easy to get lost.

I say- thank goodness for weekends. It’s time to make an update and reboot.