Rain. Rambles. Running.

My ears heard drippling’s as I laid in bed upon waking. It has rained here so much lately, I almost think that Missouri is becoming somewhat like Seattle. It’s caused rising rivers, stopped construction, yard swamps and drive-way creeks. Not to mention somewhat dreary moods. As the sprinkles and drops fall from the sky and collects in a low part of the ground, I ask my husband, “what does rain make you think of?” His response, “being a young kid and splashing in the puddles.”

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I suppose I could have reverted back to my childhood and went and splashed in puddles. I would have smiled and made memories alone since no one was out of bed when I woke. Well, that and the toddler is with his mother so I wasn’t going to be that needed when everyone woke. So….

You know what I did today? I found a little motivation that has been trapped within the dusty part of my conscience somewhere. My eyes seen sprinkles as I peered out my window and the cool breeze came in and brushed my skin. “It’s raining” my brain said as I slipped on my spandex pants. “You haven’t ran in almost 9 months, it will be hard,” I thought as pulled on my socks. As I was tying up my laces, my brain intervenes and thinks, “You don’t have to do this.”

As I stood up and walked out the door, a smile crossed my lips because I decided that my lack of motivation was not about to win today. I made my way to the road and I said, “YES I DO… ready or not” And then something amazing happened. I remembered I could run. I put one foot in front of the other, setting a pace and accomplished a goal that I haven’t been motivated to succeed in quiet sometime.

My chest wasn’t pained and my legs barely ached. It wasn’t hard or unbearable, it felt good. So, will I be off for the races tomorrow? No. I don’t think so. But yet another refreshing run, I certainly think I will.

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I did it! No ambulance needed.

My laziness and lack of motivation has become an easy way to get out of work. Not literally work for my job, but work on myself and around my house. (Sidenote: my house is NOT disgusting dump but with re-construction going on, it’s just rather disorganized and dusty. IT’S ABOUT TO MAKE ME NUTS!) So many days are consumed with the same-ol-same-ol-routine: meals, dishes, floors, laundry, kids, etc. So much so, that I have forgotten what it’s like to have goals for myself.

My selfish goals: running, organization, my blog, my writings, me…

I wrote about my love for running in August but published it here in February. Read that here- I will again-soon. The only thing changed since then is that I graduated with my BS in May. That story is here- One goal accomplished.

One of the most important aspects of being an adult and caring for responsibilities is not losing sight of you. Sanity is a huge requirement in motherhood and life. Right? For months I have been searching for motivation in words, pictures, ideas to help me retrieve sight of my goals to help keep my sanity and lessen my anxiety. Searching and reading isn’t the same as acting and doing.

I have been feeling sympathetic on my behalf since I’m first a mother and my needs come last. Internally, I’m thinking, “wah” and then I move on into breakfast, playtime, stories, messes, etc. I have no time for self-sulking and pity parties. I’m a mother and wife for Pete’s sake. Eventually there will be a time when no one will need me and then the pity party will change themes. In order to be present in this life, you need to have a little amount of time for your “selfish goals” without forgetting those that depend on you.

I have forgotten what it’s like to want more for myself rather than for others. Boy oh boy, did it feel good to slip away into my release, even if it was only 8 minutes. You must start somewhere and I suppose that the pavement pounding was a good start. Now, on to list of to-do’s for the summer before I head back in August and finding motivation to do them. I cannot put off until the last minute. Insert New Year’s resolution here that always seems to be thrown to the wayside.

Is there something that you have been putting off? Something that is causing anxiety in your life because you lack the motivation to do since progress is disguised as work. Work doesn’t scare me, I just don’t know where to begin. The bedroom seems like a good place to start.

I’ll let you know what kind of progress I am making in the weeks to come.

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I mustn’t walk backwards. I must keep moving forward. Even little bits of progress makes for accomplishments.  Set goals and smash them- one day at a time.

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